Are you man enough for this Harley?  Well, today is your lucky day, because some cat in Utah has put his Harley-Davidson for sale online and if you take five minutes to hear him out, I think he might convince you that this is the Harley for you.

Per his ad American Selling site KSL:

$5,100 This ain’t yo daddy’s bike…

I should start by saying that if you are looking for a 2 wheeled gas saving poser bike you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Harley son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Pull yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this 100% genuine made in ‘Merica 2009 Harley Davidson Iron 883.

This baby’s pulse is pumping nearly 54 cubic inches of uncensored raw fuel through her V-Twin nuclear power plant. When you fire up this beast the single most demonic roar gives old people a heart attacks, makes pregnant women give birth and causes volcanoes to erupt. Rest assured this is no feminine import motorcycle . . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the throttle….and obey she will. The first time, every time. If you can’t handle a foot shifter, or reach the clutch lever, you better not fairy-skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.

It has no windshield but are you kidding me….Really! “What if it rains?”. . .You whiney bitch! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who rides this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, ’cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

If you are looking for the kind of Harley that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “chrome doesn’t get wet,” well then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of sh-t.

Oh and you can just forget about putting one of those “Live Free, Ride Hard” patches on your jacket cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will hear the thunderous rumble from a mile away, understand and get out of your way..…real quick.

If you buy this hog you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this sh-t will be happening. What will be happening? Glad you asked….

1. More chest hair.
2. You’re growing a beard.
3. Meat Only Diet.
4. T-Rex for a pet.
5. You’re taking a job as a lumber jack, crab fisherman or roughneck.
6. Your car carries five kegs.
7. Penis enlargement.
8. Catch more fish.
9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
10. Sex in the yard.
11. Sex in the garage.
12. All male offspring.
13. Chiseled jaw line.
14. Not giving a damn.
15. Flesh turning to steel.
16. Higher salary.
17. Promotions.
18. Better looking wives.
19. Better looking mistresses.
20. More golfing.
21. More killing stuff.
22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
23. Chainsaws for Christmas.
24. Chopping down your own damn tree for Christmas.
25. Wife takes out the trash.
26. Four Wheel Drive.
27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
30. Chuck Norris.
31. John McCain
32. Steaks for dinner, with a Bowie knife.
33. Winning the Lottery.
34. Women on the side.
35. Wrestling with bears.
36. Building sh-t out of stone.
37. Riding Lawn Mower.
38. Bon Fires in your cul-de-sac.
39. Bar Fights.
40. Wife picks you up from The Gentlemen’s Club.
41. Craftsman Tools.
42. Jay Bisset.
43. Welding stuff.
44. Digging holes.
45. Huge pieces of meat.
46. Weekend camping trips with Big Foot.
47. Bigger TV.
48. More guns.
49. More ammo.
50. Polygamy. (You know, if you’re into that.)

Put your GPS back in your purse.

Sounds good doesn’t it?

Yes it does, and you want it. You need it. But maybe you can’t handle it.

This Harley has carried me through almost 10,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “300″…And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition and I’ll handle the rest.

If you think you’re ready to park this panty dropper in your man cave, get me on the phone real quick, because like the way out of your league girlfriend you had sophomore year, this beauty will not last. If you think you’ve got what it takes to tame this temptress and caress her into submission, You need to SHOW ME THE MONEY.
To complete this transaction of manly proportions I will be needing Fifty One Hundred Dollars… Five Thousand and One Hundred Dollar Bills…or you know a Cashier’s check for $5,100.

I’m not selling you this bike unless you are clearly a blue-blooded American Patriot, so don’t even think about it.

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